I just cut my nipple shaving
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im part way to drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
