I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
