the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Randomize
