dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
