how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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