I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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