drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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