Just cropdusted the office
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
