Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
