i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Buhtt sex?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
