Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
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I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
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