You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
