I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
