it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
