Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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