I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
