her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
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The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
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There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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