Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
