I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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