just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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