i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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