Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize