Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
