just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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