i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
3pm strippers are depressing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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