you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
