Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
