when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
