Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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