TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
