I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
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We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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