My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
