FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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