I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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