Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
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she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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