awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I want her autograph on my taint
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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