We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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