I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize