i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
