It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
