Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
