woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
