So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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