I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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