bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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