time to smoke my breakfast
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
