Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
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Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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