I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
