mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
only you would photoshop your dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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