Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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