Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
