Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
