im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
