think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
