Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
