Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
