I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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