Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
