How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
