I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
