video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
