You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
