I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
