There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
