More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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