You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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