If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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