just tell him i said nine months
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
is wine microwaveable?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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