Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
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I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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