we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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