I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize