hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I would ride that face into the sunset
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
