isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
