Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
