Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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