there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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