In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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