I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
this hospital has no fireball
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
